Deacon's Homily: Loving Our Enemies

Jesus says twice in today’s Gospel to love our enemies. What does it mean to love our enemies? On one level it’s simple. Jesus spells it out: do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who curse you. Give when people ask. Be generous and don’t necessarily expect repayment. Forgive.

But we wrestle with these things. We hesitate, worrying that if we love our enemies, we’ll become doormats. Our pride starts proposing excuses for why our situation is different. We delude ourselves, rationalizing why God couldn't possibly expect me to sacrifice for that person.

When I personally wrestle with these feelings, there’s a particular sermon by Dr. Martin Luther King that I go to for encouragement. Dr. King helps move me along a little bit.

You might expect that Dr. King would talk about creative non-violence, race, and a willingness to suffer a wrong rather than perpetuate one. And he does talk about those things. He also talks about the struggle between Russia and America, which is sadly an evergreen topic.

But in this sermon, before the big struggles for justice in world history, his first suggestion, the key starting place for loving our enemies, is to look in the mirror, and reflect on how we treat the individuals in our lives. Dr. King says:

“When the opportunity presents itself for you to defeat your enemy, that is the time when you must not do it. There will come a time, in many instances, when the person who hates you most, the person who has misused you most, the person who has gossiped about you most, the person who has spread false rumors about you most, there will come a time when you will have an opportunity to defeat that person. It might be in terms of a recommendation for a job; it might be in terms of helping that person to make some move in life. That’s the time when you must [love your enemy]. That is the meaning of love. In the final analysis, love is not this sentimental something that we talk about. [Love is] not merely an emotional something. Love is creative goodwill for all men. [Loving your enemies] is the refusal to defeat any individual.”

In other words, Dr. King is saying that before we turn our attention to politics, we need to start small, start local. If we start getting obsessed about what is in the news, gripped by what other people should be doing, we miss that essential moment in our own conversion. Loving our enemies starts with our own small-but-heroic choices to refuse gossip, revenge, and fantasizing about petty comeuppance. Love does not mean turning a sentimental blind eye to the inexcusable. But love does mean a choice in the will, a choice in our own daily circumstances to sacrifice our ego and seek the good of others.

This advice is so practical. Think about how many social situations are at an impasse because we are self-absorbed, guarding our rights, holding back from being the first to love and sacrifice. Think about how many strained relationships could reconcile…how many marriages could be saved, how many ministries in the church could grow and flourish…if we could break the cycle of tit-for-tat, rivalry, and suspicion.

Today’s first reading is a beautiful example of how sustained love for our enemies evokes creativity, patience, and sacrifice.

In today’s reading, King Saul and the young man David are enemies. But watch how David loves Saul anyway. David is not yet king. Saul has an army tracking David in the wilderness. One night when the army is asleep, David and a kinsman named Abishai sneak into Saul’s camp. They’re standing right next to Saul’s sleeping body. Abishai exhorts David: God has delivered your enemy into your hands, let’s plunge a spear into him.

But instead, David takes Saul’s spear and water jug, and he leaves camp. In the morning, from a hilltop on the other side of the valley, David calls to Saul. He holds up the jug and the spear, letting Saul know what he could have done, but declaring that he will not usurp the Lord as the arbiter of justice. He declares to Saul and all Israel that he will patiently wait for the Lord to bring Saul to justice.

That is loving your enemies. That is stepping away from your rights, from selfish conflict, and waiting patiently and creatively for a more godly solution.

Two other amazing things about this scene.

First, this is the second time David has treated Saul this way. Two chapters earlier, Saul was alone in a cave, not knowing David was hiding behind a rock nearby. Again, David could have killed Saul, but he doesn’t, he simply cuts a piece from Saul’s cloak. Later on, David shows Saul the piece of cloak to let him know he’s being merciful and patient. David says: though you are hunting me to take my life, and I could have killed you, instead I’m waiting for the Lord to judge between us. In effect, David is creating time and space for reconciliation, if Saul can be brave enough to accept it.

Second, the other amazing thing, is that in the next chapter – after the incident with the jug and the spear – the Biblical narrator takes us inside David’s thoughts, where we learn that David is worried. David says to himself, “I shall perish one day by the hand of Saul,” and he prepares to flee temporarily for another life in another land. David knows Saul isn’t trustworthy. David is not going to be a doormat for violent abuse. But he loves Saul anyway. Love is a choice, a determination to be loyal to the way of the Lord, to find another way through the apparent impasses.

Imagine this same self-restraint, this openness to patient love, this willingness to de-escalate conflict, to create time and space for reconciliation. Imagine this love at work in our homes, in the neighborhood, in our schools and parishes, at our jobs, and yes, in our politics. Bringing God’s grace in these situations starts with us being the first to love and pray for our enemies, before we know what will happen, and without a guarantee of reciprocity.

Two final practical suggestions.

First, Lent is coming in just two weeks. Now is the right time to make a plan for Lent. We want to set modest goals, something we actually have a chance of achieving. But for the sake of spiritual growth and learning to love our enemies, it’s essential to do something.

When we give something up for Lent, something that hurts a little bit, we’re breaking the cycle of entitlement, we’re breaking the habit of flattering ourselves and grabbing whatever we can. During Lent, we train ourselves in small sacrifices, so that when bigger or more difficult choices come, we’re ready. So if we’re giving up social media for Lent, or if we’re giving up some other food or habit, or yielding some privilege, it is for the sake of cultivating new interior freedom and spiritual capacity. During Lent we also give alms – money to church and charity – to detox from selfishness.

In other words, if we want to become the kind of Christians who can love an enemy, if we want to throw our hearts open and train ourselves to be more alive to God’s grace, then it’s wise to take time now to make a plan for an attentive, mindful Lent.

Final piece of advice: as we approach the Eucharist today, let’s pray for our enemies right now. Say their names in our minds. In our mind’s eye, walk with them to this altar, or place their names on the altar. Let’s receive Communion, and, as we do, pray for the grace and openness to live in newness of life.